we're veering portside, capt'n!

oh, my nautical lingo! today i woke up feeling like absolute CRAP. my face was all hot and stinging, mushy, my nose was all clogged (which freaks me out because i can't breathe through my mouth hardly at all), and my whole head feels like somebody spent all night decking me upside it with a car axle. 
the right side of my face is still slightly more swollen on the outside than the left. on the inside, though, the right side of the roof of my mouth feels infinitely bigger and angier than the left. 

also, you can definitely see that my nose is skewed off to one side because of the swelling. i'm sure it's not actually that bad, but it hurts when i swallow. have you ever accidentally stabbed the roof of your mouth with a tortilla chip and had it swell up and hurt really bad? that's about how it feels, plus the pressure of the bands on all my teeth. i can literally feel my sinus cavity complaining. 
my doctor called yesterday to check on me so i know this isn't a big deal, but what's REALLY freaking me out is the weird "click" sound i get under my right eye socket when i tilt my head to the left. it's like i can feel the whole bottom of my face shifting, and there's a teeny pop sound/feeling where i am pretty sure the surgical screws are. so i know my face won't fall off or anything, but i hope it's not healing crookedly. and i hope the popping stops. it's not painful or anything, just very disturbing. it feels like pressure being released when my head shifts. ugggh. *shudder*
so yeah, today pretty much has sucked so far. i still can't talk, my lips are super chapped and floppy, and my nostrils hurt from being stretched and wiped and messed around with. this is what i've decided i sound like:

aahahaha! wild thornberrys! but yeah, that's pretty much how i feel like i sound half the time. this video also led me to all the lady gaga, britney, kesha, and backstreet boys remixes featuring nigel...haha...oh man, i can't stop. blaargagblagragagagrrgalblah!
foods i miss today: pulled pork sandwiches with dill pickles, mac n' cheese, and collard greens.
foods i will eat and try to pretend: baby food mac n'cheese blended with whole milk, pureed green beans, chicken broth with mashed potatoes, and chocolate ensure. 

delishmush.

i made it up to about 1400 calories yesterday, so i'm still over 1000 short. i need to learn to chug lard at this point. guhhhh.  well, thanks for reading, readers, and i'm going to go finish off my pain meds and slurp mush through a syringe! ahoy!


*** p.s.: portside=to the left, starboard=to the right ***